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Author Detail



Search Quotations

Jarod Kintz

About this author

Author of E-mails from a Madman, The Mandrake Hotel and Resort to violence if necessary, Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81., I Want, This Book is Not for Sale, It Occurred to Me, Who Moved My Choose?, I Should Have Renamed This, Great Listener Series Mute Women, and Waiting for Somebody to Double Park on My Chest. Source: Wikipedia

Quotes of Jarod Kintz

“I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku.”

“Return something not for the possibility of a reward, but for the joy of giving a gift which you did not have to pay for.”

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

“Laughter is the sound of the soul dancing. My soul probably looks like Fred Astaire.”

“Time is such a waste of time to think about, because the longer you ponder it, the more of it you lose. And before you know it, you don’t know it, because you are nothing but dusty worm food.”

“Smiling is the way the soul says hello. Obviously a frown means goodbye. Is there a word halfway between hello and goodbye? Because that’s what my soul is saying right now.

“I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time.”

“He had a new girl, and I told him she looked like Marilyn Monroe. He smiled because he thought I meant she was beautiful, and I smiled because I meant she looked like a corpse.

“If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.”

“I’ve got two jobs to do. One of those jobs is to not cry. It’s not a job, but it is in its isn’tness. I could go for either a cup of coffee, or an empty cup full of sleep.

“Lay your head on my shoulder and massage my buttocks while you cry.

“I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, because I was at a funeral.”

“I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up.”

“If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt.”

“I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up.

“Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave.”

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